First Mad thought

Live Journal is down so i thought i would try out blogger. Once live journal is back up i will keep this site for my writing and livejournal for more recreational stuff

I will start with posting a short story i wrote


Nameless suicide

What did I do? Why me? What is wrong with me? The ink mixed with tears, making the illegible scribble impossible to read. She held the leather bound journal so tightly, it would not have been a surprise if the book ripped in half. Still the ink and tears continued to flow. How could she do this to me? How did I deserve this? She shivered at the memory of her night. She still was unsure of what had happened. How could she be so confused? Despite the magnitude of her pain she was frightened by her next thought. She had been so happy just yesterday. And these kinds of thoughts do not come from the minds of happy people. Maybe just today was bad. She would get through this, wouldn’t she? Unable to shake the idea, she wrote it down her hand quivering more then ever. I wish I was dead! Dead! Death would be less painful! The thought was even scarier written down. Death! Why had she written that? She did not mean it. Did she? She looked at the clock. 2:28. She looked back down at the page. But just as there was nothing more then death, there was nothing to write. She decided to try to fall asleep. But no sleep would come.

Her life had shattered in to a million pieces, and as the days went by more and more of the pieces got in her eye. As life got worse so did her ways of expressing herself. She trusted no one! Her only confidant was the brown leather journal, now full of tear stained horror stories. The isolation pained her, yet she no longer felt she wanted friends. No one cared. Others were pained by the isolation, others cared. But no one could express their feeling. Or knew how to express their feelings. Only pushing her further away. Soon her thoughts changed. It was not that she didn’t want friends she just did deserve friends. Her misery was her own fault. She began thinking more of death. More of the relief it could bring. But she was still afraid. Still thought there was hope.

Her hand reached in to the medicine cabinet. Shaking ever so slightly. Everything was planned. She could no longer take it. She finally found what she was looking for. The pills, once prescribed but never finished. These wonderful pills! Though meant for back pain, they would give her another form of relief. She hesitated for a moment. This is what I want she told herself. She would finally be away from her pain. She thought once more of her family, and thought of the pain they would feel. Just like the pain she had felt since that night almost a year ago. She took the lid of the bottle and swallowed the pills one after another. Each bringing her more and more happiness, each bringing more pain. Soon I will be gone she thought, soon I will be happy. She finished all four pills. She knew there was no turning back, however she felt almost happy about this. She felt no remorse as she thought she would. For a few moments she felt free. Freer then she had ever felt. As her world ended she felt like everything was hers. She was flying. Like a bird. No longer weighed down with the burden of life Then things slowed. Slower and slower. Her happiness drowned out by her ever loudening heart beat. She crashed to the ground. It was over.
“It can be a terrible burden to be the mother of a depressed child. Don’t worry I’m happier dead.”